24 Things I’ve Learned in 24 Months of Being Alcohol-Free
I made the decision to be alcohol-free for the rest of my life in December 2021. These are some of the things I’ve learned about myself, others, and drinking culture since then.
1. I wish I had stopped drinking sooner.
I had been contemplating if and when to stop drinking for a couple years before I stopped for good. I knew I would feel better mentally and physically if I gave up alcohol, and I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with social situations while sober and didn’t know if I’d feel like I was missing out on something. It turns out that after I stopped drinking, I wish I’d done it much sooner, years sooner.
2. I have more energy than I did when I was much younger.
I used to feel tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I got. The increase in my energy level after I stopped drinking was quite immediate and remarkable. For once in my adult life, I felt rested nearly every morning when I woke up. This extra energy also led me to make time for other healthy habits like eating breakfast every morning, something I’d not always been consistent with in my adulthood, and for more regular exercise.
3. I sleep better.
Many people know that alcohol can help you fall asleep, but you may not know it can also disrupt the sleep cycle and reduce sleep quality. These sleep problems were certainly present for me when I was using alcohol. Now I sleep through the night, rarely wake up in the middle of the night, and like I mentioned above, feel fully rested upon waking. It’s a bonus to never wake up feeling hungover and sick from drinking too much or even just foggy from having a couple glasses of wine the night before.
4. My mind is clearer.
The foggy or fuzzy mind I used to have after drinking the night before never happens anymore. My short- and long-term memory have both improved, and my overall mental clarity has increased. Alcohol dulls our senses, so it also tends to reduce the sharpness with which we can think and process information. This increased awareness of myself, others, and my surroundings tends to make me a more functional person in all areas of my life.
5. I am more attuned to my emotions.
I think most of us have experienced the effect alcohol can have on our emotions: it tends to amplify them all, both the ones we want to have and the ones we don’t enjoy so much. If we are sad, alcohol tends to make us sadder. If we are excited, alcohol might temporarily enhance this feeling but might drop us off an emotional cliff into despair if we imbibe too much. Since I stopped drinking, I am much more aware of and in touch with my emotions. I can regulate and modulate my emotions better so that my feelings align with the situation at hand. Of course I still sometimes over- or under-react. I’m human. I just have a better grasp on *what* I am feeling and *why* I am feeling it now.
6. I am healthier.
I have several heart conditions and am under the care of a cardiologist. Otherwise, I am very healthy. My doctors have told me several times that other than not smoking, not drinking alcohol is the best thing I can do for my health given my cardiac vulnerability. My lab work has all improved, even compared to when I was in my 20s, since I stopped drinking. As noted above, the higher quality of my sleep, increased energy, and heightened emotional awareness also help me feel healthier overall.
7. I lost weight, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.
I did not stop drinking in order to lose weight. Despite this, I did lose some weight when I stopped drinking. I’m not sure why. It just happens that way for some people. I received many unsolicited compliments on this weight loss, which was tricky, as I used to be underweight and have struggled with disordered eating in the past. This praise for my weight loss was a bit triggering, and I sought support from my therapist and support system to process it all. I mention this to ask that we all consider what we might not know when we risk commenting on someone’s body. It’s really always best if we don’t.
8. People have feelings about my decision not to drink.
When I first told some of my friends and acquaintances I didn’t drink anymore, they seemed to be perplexed. A few of them didn’t understand my decision. Some people verbally supported me to my face but then talked in a judgmental way about me to others. Some people stopped talking to me altogether. I didn’t lose any real friends. I only lost people who were invested in a version of me I no longer wanted to be or who had problems with drinking of their own. I try not to judge others’ reactions to my choice to be alcohol-free. I know their feelings about it have much more to do with them than with me. Their feelings about my choice aren’t really any of my business.
9. Social events can be awkward.
Some social events don’t feel weird for me when most people (or all people, more often) are drinking and I’m not. Some feel incredibly weird. The latter usually happens when I’m with people I don’t know well or don’t trust I can be my full self with. Being alcohol-free has given me the gift of knowing who in my life I really, really like and who in my life I only liked when I had alcohol to buffer me or them. These days I tend to leave parties and concerts earlier than I used to, which is great for my sleep schedule, and my tolerance for very drunk people is much lower.
10. Some people think it’s weird that I don’t drink.
I’ve had the experience more than a few times the past couple years of being on the receiving end of blank stares, awkward glances, and something along the lines of, “Oh, cool” (when the tone indicates the precise opposite of that sentiment) when I tell people I don’t drink. This usually comes up when someone offers me an alcoholic drink and then feels weird after I decline. I also sometimes get odd looks when I ask bartenders and service industry workers if they have non-alcoholic drinks other than soda and water, or soda water, available. I don’t mind that some people think it’s weird that I choose not to drink. I think it’s weird that drinking alcohol is the assumed normative social behavior.
11. Some people think it’s admirable that I don’t drink.
Sometimes people say things to me like, “I don’t know how you do it. I could never be sober at ___” (insert any number of social occasions, ranging from a holiday with your family to a wedding to going dancing with friends at a bar or nightclub). I get it. I really do. I used to think the same way. I’ve had dear friends and near strangers reach out to me and ask for advice about reducing their use of alcohol or stopping entirely. I’m always honored to share my experience and let them know that it’s a completely valid choice to be alcohol-free. I hope that my sharing about how not drinking has benefited me can reach the person who needs to hear it.
12. People don’t really know how to talk about drinking, or not drinking, comfortably.
I’ve found that many people are uncomfortable talking about their drinking, my drinking (or rather, my *not* drinking) and drinking in general. We don’t seem to struggle so much to talk about other addictive substances. It seems that many people have strong opinions about people’s addictions and abuse of prescription or illicit drugs and are happy to share them anytime. However, when the conversation moves to alcohol as a potentially harmful substance, people get uncomfortable. I think this is because drinking, even to excess, has become so normalized in many cultures, so there is a lot of defensiveness that comes up if we talk about alcohol as being something that might be bad for us.
13. Alcohol is one of the only harmful and addictive substances that is totally normal to use.
I can’t think of another substance that is shown to be addictive and harmful even in small amounts that is as societally normal to use as alcohol. Sure, lots of folks use THC and nicotine, but they have more social stigma than alcohol among most groups. I had never really thought much about how normalized drinking alcohol is until I stopped drinking it. We drink mimosas at brunch, a beer at lunch, and wine or liquor at dinner. We toast weddings and birthdays and promotions with champagne, a common gift to bring a party host is a bottle of wine, we drink particular alcoholic drinks on certain holidays, we pair activities like watching sports on TV or in person with drinking, we have big birthday parties when we turn 21 and are legally allowed to drink alcohol, and we call the time that bars and restaurants reduce the price of drinks “happy hour” for goodness’ sake. If you replace any other harmful or addictive substance with alcohol in these scenarios, it can make you really think about how we center alcohol so powerfully.
14. I used to rely on alcohol for unhealthy reasons.
Like many people, I used to frequently have the thought, “It’s been such a long/hard/stressful day. I could use a drink.” Reaching for alcohol, or any substance, when we are experiencing stress and/or emotional lows can lead to patterns of unhealthy drinking behavior. Conversely, I also often used alcohol as part of celebrations like birthdays and to amplify positive, and usually communal, emotions at social events like concerts. Both ends of this spectrum can become problematic if we consciously, or more commonly non-consciously, pair alcohol with our desire to feel less or more of whatever emotion we are experiencing.
15. I’m lucky that not drinking is easy for me.
I never met criteria for an alcohol use disorder, though there were certainly times where I drank too much, did things I wish I hadn’t done, and felt terrible regret, shame, and guilt the next day. I have a genetic predisposition to addiction, as there are several people in my family who struggle with dependence on alcohol and drugs. Despite this, living without alcohol has been easy for me. This is not the case for everyone, of course. I am lucky that I can be around people when they’re drinking, can tolerate being in bars every now and then, and can handle stress without having the urge to drink. I’ve even tasted 3 tiny sips of alcohol since I decided to be alcohol-free: one when I wanted to taste my mom’s strawberry margarita at the Barbie movie, two when I wanted to taste a hotel’s free happy hour rose’ my best friend said was the worst wine she’d ever had, and three when I sampled Ginja cherry liqueur in Cascais, Portgual with a friend as part of a cultural experience. None of these made me want to drink more. If anything, they reminded me that I don’t want to drink and my life is better if I don’t. I am profoundly aware of how lucky I am that I don’t have to be extra cautious about triggers the way that those in recovery do. This is also why I have a hard time referring to myself as “sober,” as it seems like a term that should be reserved for those people fighting the hard battle against addiction. I prefer the term “alcohol-free.” I am FREE of and from alcohol.
16. People will feel attacked when I talk about the benefits I’ve experienced of not drinking.
I am not a better person than anyone because I don’t drink. I am, however, a better me because I don’t drink. I’ve noticed that sometimes people are quite defensive about their own drinking behavior in response to me sharing how much better I feel now that I don’t drink. I know this dynamic isn’t about me, and it’s not my role to soothe or change or fix any of their feelings. I just listen. I think that’s what people need in those moments, a non-judgmental witness to whatever it is that comes up for them about their drinking when I talk about mine.
17. I sometimes miss drinking (but not for the reasons you’d think).
Every now and then, I miss the taste of my favorite red wine, tempranillo, or how refreshing a cold beer on a hot summer day can be. I don’t miss how drinking felt at all though. I suppose it’s akin to how it would feel when you develop an allergy to a food you used to enjoy: it tasted good but it’s not good for you so you don’t miss it the same way you’d miss other things that are good or neutral for you.
18. I never miss drinking.
There’s not been a single moment of my life in the past two years that could have been better with alcohol. If anything, I can think of several moments that alcohol could have made worse, particularly emotionally. I don’t miss feeling tired, foggy, sluggish, or just like the less shiny version of me I was before.
19. I am more present for life.
I’m more present mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for myself and the people I love. For better or worse, I remember more about what happens in my life now. Things are just more crystal clear in my mind’s eye. After an incredible concert, the encore is as vivid in my memory as the opening act. After a once-in-a-lifetime trip, I can practically hear, smell, and taste the memories I captured in photos. It’s one of the greatest gifts being alcohol-free has given me.
20. I cry even easier than before.
I have always been an easy crier. I cry more than the average person at heartwarming commercials, sad songs, and happy videos on social media. Now, though, my propensity to let my tears flow freely feels like a super power. It’s as if without alcohol I can be the very sensitive person I’ve always been deep inside. It’s hard to explain. I’ve been curious if others who don’t drink have experienced the same thing. Alcohol is often used to numb. Numbness is actually not the absence of emotion; rather, it’s the shutting down we do when we feel too much all at once. Being alcohol-free has tapped me into another level of emotional experience where I now cry about things like sunsets, hearing a child laugh, and seeing an elderly couple holding hands.
21. I crave sweets.
This isn’t a wholly serious list. Something many people who don’t drink know all too well is that your body craves the sugar it used to get from alcohol. What this means for me is that I eat dessert almost every night when I rarely did before, not because I didn’t “let” myself but because I just didn’t want anything sweet. My favorite dessert these days is a piece of mango mochi, and it never leaves me with a fuzzy mind or headache the next morning. I also bake a lot now, which has been fun to practice.
22. I don’t tolerate intolerable things.
One of the first things I noticed when I stopped drinking is that it was harder for me to be around certain people I know. I realized that I was usually drinking around these people, so my social senses were numb to the behaviors and personality traits they have that don’t sit well with me. While sober, I found some of them practically intolerable. I had to get okay with this fast. It was hard at first, and I had to work through some guilt to see that it’s best for me if I want to be around people without being chemically altered. That means I really like them. That means I am spending time with people more aligned with my values and goals. Being alcohol-free has also empowered me to set healthier boundaries with people I choose to keep in my life as well. I’m the most me when I don’t drink, so I can make better decisions about who I spend my precious time with.
23. I like myself more.
It’s common for those of us who don’t drink to say that we didn’t like ourselves when we were drinking. That’s true for me for all the reasons I’ve delineated above. Not drinking has helped me come home to myself. It’s helped me realize I belong to myself, and that’s enough.
24. I don’t want to drink again.
I say often that I just can’t imagine choosing to drink alcohol again. This thought showed up about 6 months into my alcohol-free journey and hasn’t left. Every single part of my life is better without alcohol, so it just makes the most sense to me to keep it that way. And I will. If you would like to chat about what life might be like without alcohol, please reach out to me!
